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father in this family is my doing not yours.Besides, their father is dead and can't just be
exchanged for another like a worn out pair of shoes!" Just like Arthur couldn't replace
Daddy.
The words were shocking in their intensity and for several seconds the only sound heard
in the large guestroom was Ginny and Lindsay's panting breaths.Lindsay gently cleared
her throat. "The boys' father is dead to them.And to you.But, Ginny, your sister would only
know Calvin as her father.She wouldn't remember anyone else."
An incredulous look crept across Ginny's face and she sat up. "AreÉare you trying to tell
me I should leave her here?"
"No, sweetheart."Lindsay grasped Ginny's hand with surprising strength."I'm trying to get
you to talk about what I know you've been agonizing over since we got here.Help me help
you," she pleaded, her tone softening."What will make you happy?"
Ginny closed her eyes, pain lancing through her."I don't know," she whispered.
"This indecision is killing you." And me."Face what needs to be done and let's do it. The
boys could let Calvin and Laura know why we're here at any time.Then we'll be out on our
asses and having to make all these same decisions. Now is the time."
"You make it sound easy.It's not that easy!"
"Doesn't matter," Lindsay informed her bluntly."It still has to be done."
"But can I live with myself once it is done?" Anguish bled into Ginny's eyes and she looked
away.
Lindsay cupped Ginny's chin and turned the younger woman's head towards her,
inadvertently using a little more force than was necessary."Don't say that,' she
hissed."Don't make this sound selfish when I know damned well you'd die ten times over
for any one of these children.This wasn't your fault." Brown eyes gone charcoal in the
moonlight flashed and her voice rose several notches."Enough with the damned guilt!I
know you feel bad.I feel it too.But someone is going to get hurt here.Stop fighting
it.Accept it!"
"That's not the point, and you know it," Ginny snapped, jerking her chin from Lindsay's
hands as her ire rose quicker than she could have imagined.She yanked her hand from her
friend's as though she'd been burned."You want me to talk?Fine!This isn't about it being
someone's fault.What happened was nobody's fault but Jeremiah and Isabelle Ward's or
maybe God'sÉ if I was sure there was a God anymore."
Lindsay ground her teeth together in frustration, feeling so deeply adrift she wasn't sure
she'd ever find her way back.What did Ginny expect her to say?What more could she do or
offer? "We'll work things out.We have so far, right?You need to keep believing."So that I'll
keep believing.
"Why?Why do I have to believe that?" Ginny demanded.She could feel another irrational
surge of anger brewing deep inside her and was helpless to stop it as it rushed to the
surface, then boiled over."You're always saying that!That I need to keep believing.What I
need is to know is how we're going to make this work."
A resentment Ginny wasn't aware she even harbored flared to life so brightly it blinded
her."Just saying we'll work things out won't make it so!We are two women, alone,
Lindsay.Between us we have no worldly possessions and not enough money to last the
month.I can't marry you the way I would if one of us were a man.I can't give you children
of your own.Instead, you'll be tied to children who aren't mine either, for as long as we're
together.How long can I expect you to want to live like that?"
Lindsay blinked, stunned, her tongue frozen in her mouth.
Ginny's cheeks flushed pink, the words pouring from her like water bursting free through a
crack in a damn."What this is about is what we're going to do now, and how a scared
witless, unskilled chicken stripper and an illiterate, drifter pickpocket are going to support
themselves, much less Jane and the boys!"The words were out before she could stop
them and she drew in a quick breath, as though she could suck them back.But she
couldn't.They hung there between them, floating, ugly, and stark until she saw Lindsay's
eyes flutter closed.
The silence in the room thundered and Ginny felt sick at her stomach.Oh, God.I did not
just say that.
Lindsay's body stayed stock-still, though she felt the words rain down on her like
blows.But it was when she opened her eyes, giving Ginny a glimpse of an open, wounded
look so painful it hurt to see, that the tears that had been threatening for the entire
conversation went cascading down Ginny's cheeks.
What have I done?"Lindsay, I'm so sor-"
A cold expression dropped over Lindsay's face.Startled, Ginny was forced to blink a few
times and remind herself that this was, indeed, her best friend, and not a stranger.
Awkwardly, Lindsay stood, Ginny's death grip on her hand the only thing keeping her from
bolting from the room.
Ginny's heart began to pound."Lindsay, please!" she begged, hearing the desperation in
her voice and not caring."God, I swear I didn't mean that. I'm just worried and afraid and
I-"
"Am just spending time with an illiterate, drifter pickpocket, who can't marry you or give
you your own children," Lindsay finished for her, violently hurling the words back at Ginny.
An icy fist closed around Ginny's heart.
"I heard."Lindsay swallowed hard.Her chest felt achy and hollow and the sensation
threatened to send her crashing to her knees."You should keep better company, Virginia."
She tore her hand from Ginny's.And without another word, Lindsay snatched up her
trousers, shoes, and coat and stalked out of the room, her steady step never faltering.
I need to get outside, she thought desperately. Lindsay flung the bedroom door open.The
walls were closing in on her faster than she could move and she began to run, ignoring
the pain in her ribs.
After a long, stunned moment, Ginny scrambled off the bed, her knees viciously slamming
against the shiny floorboards.She stumbled to her feet and ran to the door, finding what
she knew she would, a shadowy, very empty hallway."Lindsay," she moaned quietly, "I'm
sorry."Dammit!
For a handful of seconds she balanced on a razor's edge, not knowing whether to hunt
Lindsay down and force her to hear her apology, or let her go.Her head was telling her
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